frustrated but motivated, somehow intrigued and definitely happy

that is how i'd explain me right now...

frustrated??
well, i'm frustrated with myself.. it's actually the disertation thing, frustrated cause it seems that i don't have enough will power to actually make myself think and make enough words to actually produce something that is comprehensible and academic (and you all know, i'm more like a practitioner than an academic... see, frustrating, rite?)
although i keep remembering my dad's advice, well i can't really call in an advice tho, it's a statement of fact... it goes like this "you know you're smart, that's why you're lazy"... buuuuut, ever since i got here, especially the last couple of months, i got plenty of people saying, even emphasising, that i'm really smart... i guess it got into my mind a bit and now here i am, being lazy again... i hope putting this in here will bring me down a bit from the heaven of praise, coz believe you me, called smart is the highest (!!) ultimate (!!) praise i ever wanted, so (spotlight please!) i would like to thank my dad, my mom, my sis and all my fans out there..... hehehe...

motivated??
i met my hard-to-make-an-appointment-with supervisor last week and he's really excited with my dissertation topic and he said he sees plenty of potential in it (hahaha yeah rite, he's not the one who has to do all the hard work, but then again, he's not the one that gets the credit, fair play...) i get me a bit motivated tho, but the feeling usually only lasts for, hm i dunno, 2 hours, if not less... hehehehe.... nah, i actually still feel a bit motivated, but surely you know how it is when you have all in your head, you wanted to say it but you can't actually put it into words.. another thing, they say that us, academicians, cannot just say things, where's the evidence?? where's the supporting statement?? aaaarrrgghh, even the smallest things matter, such as if i say big, they's asked "how big? why big? who says it's big??"... frustrating, right? ooppsss sorry, this suppose to go up there, this is surely an unacceptable structure in the academic world... ha! fuck it! it's my blog....

intrigued??
hhmmm product placement in music industry.... hhmmm.... how does it work anyway?? hhhmmm.. who make the desicions anyway?? hhhhmmm... is it any good for sales?? hhhmmm... intriguing... interesting... hahaa yeah rite??!!! well, it is, who am i kidding??? i am interested to the matter.. come on, it's like music and marketing theory match made in heaven, well for me it is, if you contend otherwise, i don't care, it's my blog, it's my dissertation and it's my life huahuahuahua!!! (with a roaring laughter)

happy??
most enjoying part of my life... happy for the fun i've been having with the guy i've been seeing, happy that it turns out i'm a bit ahead than my peers in my dissertation progress, happy that i think i'm gonna be working soon... don't get me wrong, being a student is great!!! but i've got no class no more, and i miss the feeling of knowing my plans for today when i get up, well usually i know and usually the answer is nothing... and the happiest thing is i might be seeing my family again in october!!! we're gonna do pilgrimage together in mecca, can't waiit!!!